Have you ever had the feeling of knowing that you’re surrounded by people all day and still feeling like you just don’t exist?  That’s the feeling that I’m surrounded with today, although I can’t quite pin point why.  My boss has been on my ass all day about all this work done for the auditors, but I feel like I’m doing nothing more than just existing for no specific purpose today.  But I have a hard time understand that because it’s not like I’m in a bad mood, or have had bad or negative happen to me recently.  It just feels like I’m just here… and there’s really no rhyme or reason for it.

I have to go to bowling tonight.  I suppose I don’t really have to, but I pay for it whether or not I show up.  I used to enjoy bowling tremendously, but now it’s just something that seems to get me out of my apartment one day a week.  I’m not an excellent bowler by any means, but I have gotten my average up to about a 170 right now, which is pretty good considering my back.  I am happy there are only a few more weeks to this league that I’m on.  I had chosen to join this summer league because a good friend of mine at the time thought it would be fun if we both had something to do together once a week, and we had met each other through bowling.  Now that there has been a demise to our friendship, it’s just not all that interesting anymore.  We just kind of sit there and stare each other, looking at a person that we were once so close with and now have nothing left to say or to share.  It’s depressing, but it’s the truth.  It’s interesting how you can be so close with a person for so long and then in one instance not even know who they are.  I miss the fun we used to have, but the drama that ensued from the friendship is no longer a necessary part of my life.  I feel bad for her, I know she has a very rough road ahead.  But sometimes I think people are just meant to be a part of your life as stepping stone.  In this case, we were both a stepping stone for each other.  Which is a blessing, and a curse…