I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine this morning about love and marraige and growing up, etc.  We got into an interesting debate about whether or not true love lasts or if people just find enough love to happily settle into a life.  And she asked me do I know anyone that has the lasting true love followed by do I know anyone that has just happily settled.  Who’s a better example than family members, since I have so many of them?  So here goes:

I have a set of grandparents that have been together since they were 13.  (Seriously) They are coming up on their fiftieth wedding anniversary this year.  They built a life through high school, got married shortly after, and had four children.  They actually went through all the trials and tribulations of high school and stuck by each others sides.  They dealt with raising four children and all of their issues in growing up.  Lost jobs, cancer, alcohol addictions, teenage pregnancy (me), etc.  And although life may not have gone as planned for the two of them if you look at them now they’re still in love with each other.  I watch how hard it is on my grandma seeing my grandpa start to give up on life because of health issues.  And it’s not just the hurt because she cares it’s more than that.  Everything that hurts him  you can tell hurts her as well in a way I don’t understand.

Then you go to another set of grandparents who I think they found personalities that go to go together and grew to love each other.  They have dealt with a lot of the same issues, obviously with some others as well.  They adopted two children and made a really decent life for themselves and their children.  I have never seen them drink or smoke (although apparently my grandpa used to) and they have always been very content and happy to me.  It seems like they just found someone they fit with and settled into it.  The main difference I see between the two is that with this set is that they never seem to be “together.”  Almost like they co-exist within each other.  My grandma drives my grandpa nuts and even though this grandpa is dealing with health issues as well, my grandma won’t move to an assisted living with him.  Instead she wants to stay at the house and let him go to a nursing home.  She’s not ready to give up the life and my grandpa’s body isn’t giving him the choice.  I don’t see that same pain or yearning between the two of them.

So my friend asked me which one I would want.  I mean, almost every woman as a girl dreams of that fairy tale prince that will come in the white horse and sweep them away to their fantasy life.  But I’m a little more realistic than that.  And in all honesty, I could see myself being happy either way.  I think that the “settling” relationship is a little more realistic than finding that magical true love that outlasts the tribulations of time.  Both of my examples have their pluses and minuses, and oddly both are still relatively happy.  They both have children that  have failed and succeeded in many different ways and they both economically have failed and succeeded.  So is there really a difference?  I think there is but I can’t figure out which one is right for me.  Which is what it’s really all about anyway right?  This is why I talk to my mother…  🙂