So many thoughts and so little time to get it all down.

Loss is whats on my mind right now. I love big ole pregnant bellies!!! Pregnancy in general I think is one of those special things in life. Now granted I’ll never get to know how great and painful it can be, I still try to appreciate and celebrate pregnancy for the miracle that it is. When my son was in his mom’s belly, I was always taking pictures and rubbing the belly all the time. I was probably pretty annoying to her. But there was something about knowing that there was a little person in there growing and listening. A while back there were three pregnant ladies at my job all at the same time so you know I was loving it. I think the reason I love it so much is that it takes me back to best time of my life. When things were alot more carefree and I could focus more time on the IMPORTANT things in life like taking care of my son’s mom while she was “with child” (favorite phrase) and my son when he was a newborn. Good times……

Snap back to yesterday when I got the news that somebody I knew’s newborn had just passed away due to medical problems. Now granted, she knew it was a possibility that the child might not make it, it doesn’t make it any easier. Now for me the baby and belly lover, it hurt pretty bad because I remember rubbing the belly all the time and couldn’t wait to hold that baby in my arms. Some of the ladies were standing around talking about it and I couldn’t take it. I instantly froze after putting myself in her position. Now I consider myself a strong guy inside and out but the only thing I was able to do after hearing that news was to go in my office and cry like the babies I love. Even now, thinking about it again, I start to tear up. I wouldn’t be able to handle it if I lost my son. And this goes to anybody out there who has had a miscarriage or has lost a child, “You are STRONG!” Because losing a life, no matter how long they have been alive (and I start the clock when the sperm hits the egg) is hard. I was shown how weak I was after hearing that news, I wasn’t even able to speak and spent the rest of the day trying to make myself so busy that I wouldn’t have a chance to think about it.