DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish……………………………49.

Adventurous…………………….Slept with everyone.

Athletic………………………….No breasts.

Average looking…………………Moooo.

Beautiful…………………..Pathological liar.

Emotionally Secure……………..On medication.

Feminist…………………………Fat.

Free Spirit………………………..Junkie.

Friendship first…………………..Former Slut.

New-Age………………………..Body hair in the wrong places.

Old-fashioned…………………..No B.J.’s

Open-minded……………………Desperate.

Outgoing………………………..Loud and embarrassing.

Professional……………………..Bitch.

Voluptuous……………………..Very fat.

Large frame………………………Hugely fat.

Wants soul mate…………………Stalker.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN’S ENGLISH:

Yes………………………………No

No……………………………….Yes

Maybe…………………………..No

We need…………………………I want

I am sorry………………………..You’ll be sorry

We need to talk………………….You’re in trouble

Sure, go ahead……………………You better not

Do what you want………………You will pay for this later

I am not upset……………………Of course, I am upset, you moron!

You’re attentive tonight………..Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN’S ENGLISH:

I am hungry……………………..I am hungry

I am sleepy……………………….I am sleepy

I am tired…………………………I am tired

Nice dress…………………………Nice cleavage!

I love you…………………………Let’s have sex now

I am bored………………………..Do you want to have sex?

May I have this dance?………………I’d like to have sex with you.

Can I call you sometime?…………..I’d like to have sex with you.

Do you want to go to a movie?…..I’d like to have sex with you.

Can I take you out to dinner?……..I’d like to have sex with you.

I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit…………..I’m gay.