Today was a day of thinking

Even though it didn’t seem like it I’ve been thinking about alot of serious stuff today. Even though I mailed some stuff for ebay visited my dad, when out to lunch with Matt and got buzzed/drunk at JV’s.

I’ve come to some realization of some stuff:

I’m not a likeable person

I’m inheritanly bad

I’m not secure with myself

I don’t know how to love

I never will

I’m a very lonely person

I need attention

I type better when I drink

I haven’t grown up yet

I need to be wanted

My past will eventually catch up with me and there is no way that I could possibly atone

I write so the voices in my head can stop (Budden)

The one thing I have the most of is fear

I can’t love my family because I don’t know how

I can just about fake anything

I will deny writing any of this

I don’t want to care

Depression is more of a state of mind than an illness

I won’t let Aden end up like me no matter what

Rachel can’t handle me at this point in her life

I can never let go

I hate drinking, drinkers, smoking, smokers, and tatoos

I think I’m gonna go into hiding for a while so don’t call cause I won’t answer. I’m not sorry.