The events of last two years have transformed me.  The fact that I can admit this is HUGE!!! (yea with 3 “!”’s)  I write this for myself as a reminder to not forget these valuable experiences.  And like anything else that I’ve done on my own for myself, it will end up coming from my heart.  (I guess I really do love myself eh?)  I am a extreme, dramatic, powerful, and magnificent force of nature and I won’t fight myself anymore!  I accept myself, flaws and all!  I will treat myself and others with respect and not pretend to be anybody but myself! The road to get to this point was long, bumpy, and tricky but worth the ride.  This is an explanation of my journey so far so that I don’t forget (again).  Oh yea, if anybody besides me gets something out of it, that’s cool too.

 

Mistakes Made

Ya can’t learn from the mistakes you don’t make right?  I’ve fucked up more times than I would like to admit or would have enough time to write about so I’ll just list the main ones.  I make no excuses for making these mistakes (even if I could bring a few people down with me 🙂 ).

• I lived for someone else
• I manipulated the feelings of the ones I cared the most about to get my way
• I lied to myself
• I tried to improve myself at the cost of my own being
• I used sex to keep women from leaving me
• I believed that others were better than me
• I played small to make others feel big
• I pretended to be better than what I was
• I let insecurity run my life
• I hid my true self in fear of what others thought of me
• I shaped my life around what I was told I “should” be
• I ignored my inner voice
• I pretended to love
• I’ve treated others like garbage just to see if I could
• I changed myself into someone I believed others would love
• I faked being nice to people who deserved to hear my real mean
• I blamed others for my mistakes
• I’ve tried to finish things just for the sake of finishing them
• I feared failure
• I went only 10% in life
• I accepted fear instead of love
• I let others talk down to me to help them feel better about themselves
• I cheated myself out of amazing adventures because of fear
• I’ve lied to others
• I held back emotions
• I settled
• I’ve made excuses
• I’ve tried to push my opinions as fact
• I assumed what other people where all about
• I’ve tried to stay in relationships just so I wouldn’t be alone
• I’ve gotten into relationships just for sport
• I’ve let my childhood fears and beliefs rule my adult life
• I’ve continued to punish myself for things I had no control over

 

Lessons Learned

I have been taught many lessons throughout my short life.  Lessons about love, life, parenting, and soooo much more.  I continue to learn lessons today and relearn lessons I forgot.  Hell I’m still learning lessons today that I was taught when I was three!  Here are most of the most important ones:

• There is no greater feeling than being yourself and enjoying all that you are
• Don’t rob others of their ability to make their own decisions by lying or manipulation
• Other people are not better than you
• No matter how you look at it, you are the shit
• Learn the difference between improving yourself and changing yourself (still learning)
• Give your all
• Don’t pretend to know what will happen
• Don’t fear the truth or the effects of it getting out
• People will always like the real you better than the fake you
• If it doesn’t benefit you or help you to get where you want to go, let it go
• Be patient
• Everything happens exactly as it should
• Just because it isn’t what you wanted, that doesn’t make it wrong
• Nobody owes you anything
• The world is cheated when you are not yourself
• Your true path is always paved with bliss
• Express your love openly
• Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever settle
• Fear is afraid of you
• Never underestimate your child
• It’s ok to be horny
• Nothing impresses someone more than not trying to impress them
• Faking helps no one but cheats all
• You don’t have to change who you are around real people
• Leave the past in the past
• Peace isn’t worth muting yourself
• Don’t be afraid to change your mind
• People will show you how much they actually care about you
• Trust your intuitions
• Fuck up, apologize, fix, and try again
• Change what you can but accept what is
• No matter what, never sacrifice yourself
• Trust others to live their life the way they want
• Judging others says more about you than those you judge
• Listen more than you talk
• Life is meant to be enjoyed
• The world is not your responsibility