Stalking Yourself

Contradiction.  In case you missed it, let me say it again.  Contradiction.  That’s what we all are.  What?  Its in that great divide between how most of us act versus who we really are inside and what we really want to do.  I understand that we have to behave in order to keep the job, the marriage or relationship, or friends.  But the longer you do that, the more repressed you make they person deep inside you.

With financial times being tough right now (but really, when aren’t they tough?) I can understand the fear in letting your real self shine through.  What will people think?  Will they accept you?  Will you lose everything you’ve working for?  WHO CARES! It wasn’t the real you who gained all those things anyway.  Let me backtrack, it was you but not he whole you.  You used to be you a long time ago when you were a kid.  You looked at possibilities and weren’t concerned with what couldn’t be done.  This was the you without limits, without somebody telling you couldn’t do something or that it was too hard or costs too much.  But of course you know what happened.  You grew up and started living in “reality”.  And you learned that the good guy doesn’t always win or even come close, that being a good boy or girl doesn’t always get you want you want.  Where all of the fairytales started to unravel and the truth was woven in its place.  Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t all bad and for most people this realization was even good.  But you learned to live in a box, you learned not to run when you wanted to, to not sing too loud, to not act too wild, to not speak your mind because somebody might see it as rude.  These rules probably saved you a few ass kickings but in exchange it cost you a bit of yourself.

I was talking to my special lady last night and she pointed out that she knows the side that I show her is fake.  A shell of who I have to be to keep juggling the things in my life successfully and give my little man a life I didn’t have.  Hypocritical I know but I don’t know if I would be a good dad by being myself.  This very special lady threw some more common sense my way, “The real you is in between who you have to be and who you want to be.”  So simple yet so powerful.  Realizing that I have to close the gap to get real, I’ll be taking some time to stalk the inner me.  I recommend you do the same.  My special lady knows how to play by the rules but also know how to take time to be herself.  She can be rude, mean, loud, and all of those other things that alot of us are too “polite” to be.  I love her for it because its HER! There isn’t a question in my mind that that’s the way she really feels from the core of her soul.  And even if I don’t agree, I respect and love it.  She still has alot of contradiction (see definition above)  in her but she is light years ahead of alot of people (including me) in closing the gap.  And that is the reason that I listen when she talks!  Anyway, that’s the point, CLOSE the CONTRADICTION GAP! Because in the middle is where you will find the real you.  Not the fairlytale you who believes in everything and not the you who pretends, but the you that’s a perfect mix of the person you have to be and want to be.