Before I start this let me just say that I’m now perceived as a cocky, arrogant, know it all.
When I was younger, I was a pushover. My dad was one especially with my mom so I’m guessing thats where I got it. Not to mention I was raised in a house of women with the exception of my little brother, 3 years my junior. So I was raised to be soft and usually put down or disciplined for standing up for myself. Reason being that I’m a black male and any attempt to go against the grain would end with me being locked up. It was like I was this giant king crab but was supposed to stay in my shell and whisper because everybody expects me to be big and evil. This ideology stayed with me for a long time until my son was born. Something clicked in me that made me refuse to play small because there was a little one watching and learning from my every move. And I would not limit him just because I was. In doing so I learned that I am a force of nature when I push myself, just like we all are. I has been an awakening for me. Things that other people see as normal are completely new to me. Take simple interactions with people, I used to walk with my head down with the only thought of not bothering anybody and generally just trying to stay out of their way. Now I walk with my head high, usually with a smile on my face and hand out ready to shake hands with the next person I might meet. There is a spring in my step and I realize that nobody around me is better than me and I am due the same respect they are. Now I know reading this that you have to think that I had to be crazy but its just that I was raised not the rock the boat. But now that I’m the captain of the boat, I realize that sometimes you got to rock the boat to get to where you need to be. Now for people who knew me before I grew a backbone are amazed at how I’ve changed and the confidence that I’ve gained. Let me repeat that its just confidence, a newfound confidence in myself that allows me to believe in myself. I haven’t completely killed that other part of myself because it can come in handy when its time to listen, especially to some more experienced and wiser than me.
This confidence has brought me much success but alot of people take it as me being cocky or arrogant. I believe that life is what you make of it and that your words are seeds. And the more I talk about and expect success and good things happening, the more they will happen. I talk about alot of the things I’ve accomplished and are about to do because I am extremely proud of them. But I talk about them about 0.1% of the time compared to how much I brag on my son. Who is the one who planted the seed for my backbone.