Today was a day of thinking<\/p>\n
Even though it didn’t seem like it I’ve been thinking about alot of serious stuff today. Even though I mailed some stuff for ebay visited my dad, when out to lunch with Matt and got buzzed\/drunk at JV’s.<\/p>\n
I’ve come to some realization of some stuff:<\/p>\n
I’m not a likeable person<\/p>\n
I’m inheritanly bad<\/p>\n
I’m not secure with myself<\/p>\n
I don’t know how to love<\/p>\n
I never will<\/p>\n
I’m a very lonely person<\/p>\n
I need attention <\/p>\n
I type better when I drink<\/p>\n
I haven’t grown up yet<\/p>\n
I need to be wanted<\/p>\n
My past will eventually catch up with me and there is no way that I could possibly atone<\/p>\n
I write so the voices in my head can stop (Budden)<\/p>\n
The one thing I have the most of is fear<\/p>\n
I can’t love my family because I don’t know how<\/p>\n
I can just about fake anything<\/p>\n
I will deny writing any of this<\/p>\n
I don’t want to care<\/p>\n
Depression is more of a state of mind than an illness<\/p>\n
I won’t let Aden end up like me no matter what<\/p>\n
Rachel can’t handle me at this point in her life<\/p>\n
I can never let go<\/p>\n
I hate drinking, drinkers, smoking, smokers, and tatoos<\/p>\n
I think I’m gonna go into hiding for a while so don’t call cause I won’t answer. I’m not sorry.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Today was a day of thinking Even though it didn’t seem like it I’ve been thinking about alot of serious stuff today. Even though I mailed some stuff for ebay visited my dad, when out to lunch with Matt and got buzzed\/drunk at JV’s. I’ve come to some realization of some stuff: I’m not a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[6,43,192,13,227],"class_list":["post-72","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-aden","tag-depression","tag-jv","tag-rachel","tag-smoke"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=72"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=72"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=72"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=72"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}