When I was like 4 and 5 I would stare at myself in the mirror. I never really understood it, I just know what I saw. I would stare into my eyes looking for something, anything. And like a photo developing my preferential vision would blur and fade away and all I would see would be my eyes and I would get a feeling like I was getting close to seeing something really profound. My eyes would soon start to hurt and I would lose focus but each time I would get a little closer to seeing whatever the hell it was. It was so weird to see your face fade away like a gold miner washing his find out in a nearby river waiting to see the good stuff shine through. My eyes were the only things that remained even though they didn’t change, they would give off a different feeling, it was like I was getting in touch with what I’ve always been but just haven’t been able to capture. Whatever I was looking at was clearly me. Like a more real me. It reminds me of a quote from the Book of Benji, “Let your eyes go out of focus and try not to blink, its the only way to see the soul” I tried it again today before bed and realized that I’ve gotten too intelligent. I started to question what I was seeing, which distracts one from seeing what your looking for. Its like when I do it, the longer I do it, the real me is reaching out trying to pull himself out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
When I was like 4 and 5 I would stare at myself in the mirror. I never really understood it, I just know what I saw. I would stare into my eyes looking for something, anything. And like a photo developing my preferential vision would blur and fade away and all I would see would […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[338,340],"tags":[135],"class_list":["post-346","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-book-of-benji","category-stories","tag-ben"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/346","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=346"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/346\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=346"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=346"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=346"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}