{"id":3156,"date":"2011-04-18T21:44:15","date_gmt":"2011-04-19T02:44:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/?p=3156"},"modified":"2011-04-18T21:44:15","modified_gmt":"2011-04-19T02:44:15","slug":"not-ready-but-willing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/2011\/04\/18\/not-ready-but-willing\/","title":{"rendered":"Not Ready But Willing"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is a post from the wonderful Kelly Diels<\/a>.\u00a0 Author of the great blog Cleavage<\/a>.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n

We\u2019re never really ready<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m\u00a0 not ready to apologize. I\u2019m not ready for a relationship. I\u2019m not ready for marriage. We\u2019re not ready to have kids. I\u2019m not ready to apply\u00a0to that program\/school\/job\/life. I\u2019m not ready to face the truth. I\u2019m not ready for cancer. I\u2019m not ready to leave.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m not ready for this.<\/strong><\/p>\n

It might be true, but it\u2019s an excuse and the source of your pain.<\/p>\n

Look at that litany of excuses: they\u2019re all talking to Reality and saying \u201cI can\u2019t handle you\u201d.<\/p>\n

But reality is a pugilist.\u00a0Challenging it will only result in your own pummeling.<\/p>\n

When\u00a0I argue with reality,\u00a0I beat myself.\u00a0I beat\u00a0myself down.<\/p>\n

And it hurts.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a difference between trying everything to change a situation<\/a> and refusing to accept reality. When you\u2019re in the battle to change or prevent something, you\u2019re dealing with reality. You know what is<\/em> and what might be and you\u00a0hope \u2013 fervently, practically, actively, exhaustively\u00a0–\u00a0you can change it. And so you try. And maybe you succeed.<\/p>\n

And that \u2013 trying, maybe succeeding \u2013 it precisely what \u201cI\u2019m not ready\u201d prevents.<\/p>\n

We protest our trials. We go through trials and in the arduous beginning\u00a0we\u00a0bemoan and protest them. But the truth is,\u00a0we grow through trials and trying.<\/p>\n

And so when I hear someone say \u201cI\u2019m not ready for a relationship\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m not ready to be a good partner\u201d, I think, being in a relationship is how<\/strong> you learn to be a partner<\/a> and how you learn to love. Relationships are both the training ground and the institution<\/a><\/em>. Marriage is a people-growing machine<\/a>. In relationship<\/em> is always life-altering. You can\u2019t learn to swim on land.<\/p>\n

So of course <\/em>you\u2019re not ready. Nobody is. Even when you think you\u2019re ready, you\u2019re probably wrong. When I decided to have children and\u00a0get pregnant with my first child, I thought I was ready. And then, when she arrived as a cosmic privilege and burden, an eternal\u00a0marvel and responsibility,\u00a0a whole person with a buffet of needs and demands, and an instant and continuous attenuation of my own selfishness, I knew \u2013 and I know every day \u2013 that I\u00a0was not ready. I was and am wrenchingly unprepared. I am \u2013 as\u00a0are most\u00a0parents –\u00a0 not an instinctual saint equipped with The Answers but a desperately loving\u00a0and\u00a0flawed person striving for greatness<\/a>. Striving to be a mother. Striving to be the mama she needs.<\/p>\n

Ready is the wrong litmus test.<\/p>\n

You only need to be willing.<\/p>\n

And \u201cI don\u2019t want to\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m not willing\u201d are legitimate. \u201cI\u2019m not ready\u201d is bullshit and a waiting game.<\/p>\n

Because\u00a0what are you waiting for?<\/strong><\/p>\n

That\u2019s the question coach extraordinaire\u00a0Tanya Geisler<\/a> told me she heard in her head on\u00a0a train in Toronto. She was thinking about our girl Adele<\/a>.<\/p>\n

(And, it seems, Adele is everyone\u2019s<\/em> girl. She\u2019s sold out everywhere I look \u2013 and I looked in Vancouver, Seattle, Portland and San Francisco. And never before have I checked multiple cities for concert dates\u00a0or been willing to fly somewhere to experience\u00a0an artist.)<\/p>\n

What if Adele believed that there was only one way to be an artist, singer and star? What if\u00a0she had waited\u00a0until she was a size 2 to rock our world? What if she looked at her dreams,\u00a0listened to\u00a0her incredible voice, and told them both: \u201cI\u2019m not ready\u201d?<\/p>\n

Or Oprah. What if she thought, \u201cI\u2019ll lose the weight before I go on stage\u201d? What if she said, \u201cI\u2019m not ready\u201d? She would have delayed her nation-altering, world-changing career for twenty years. For twenty years, while she could have been honing her craft and delighting her people, she would have been trying to lose the weight to get ready. She would be battling herself instead of challenging <\/em>herself.<\/p>\n

And we would be poorer for it.<\/p>\n

You don\u2019t have to be ready. You just have to be willing\u2026<\/p>\n

\u2026or willing to be willing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is a post from the wonderful Kelly Diels.\u00a0 Author of the great blog Cleavage.   We\u2019re never really ready. I\u2019m\u00a0 not ready to apologize. I\u2019m not ready for a relationship. I\u2019m not ready for marriage. We\u2019re not ready to have kids. I\u2019m not ready to apply\u00a0to that program\/school\/job\/life. I\u2019m not ready to face the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[457],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3156","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-other-sites"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3156","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3156"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3156\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3158,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3156\/revisions\/3158"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3156"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3156"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocbenji.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3156"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}