All day I’ve been sitting at work thinking about how I will support myself and my family now that I’ve made the decision to leave my job to follow my heart and do what I love.  I’ve been running numbers through my head, calculating figures on how much business I would need to do within each of my three businesses.  I developed backup plans and back backup plans and even considered the fact that I might have to go back to work for someone else.  I read how to increase profit from my blog and how to make search engines fall in love with me.  Thought and I thought and I thought.  That was the problem.  I wasn’t feeling.  I didn’t consider how I felt about all of these changes or what my ultimate goal was.  I realized that my thinking hadn’t changed.  I was still thinking short-term, short-sighted, employeeish.  It wasn’t until I ran across Seth Goodin’s  6-Month MBA Program that I started to think bigger and more about what I want to ultimately accomplish.

I know what I want to do.  I want to help people to think differently.  More about what is possible, realistically possible to accomplish in their lives.  To help them to realize that they can do and should do what makes them feel alive.  Every morning/night I hear once phrase come out of my lady’s mouth.  One thought that escapes her lips:  I don’t wanna go to work.  She means it with every fiber in her body.  I feel it when she says it (or mumbles it in wee hours of the morning).  It hurts to hear it, it hurts that I think it too.  I know it hurts when YOU think it.  But that’s a good thing.  Because if it didn’t hurt, then we would be numb to it, used to it, accepting of it.  Some people do work that they deep down enjoy!  But for a lot of people these days (especially in this recession) only go to work for the money.  Trading that little bit of GREATNESS in them for a paycheck.  Some make more money from that trade but any amount of money, security, or status traded for something priceless is a RIP-OFF!

I’m currently working for the best job that I’ve ever had.  The pay is great, I have great benefits, and I work with awesome people.  But I’m dying a little inside each day.  Because I’m not doing anything that I was meant to do.  Sure I’m good at it just like a butter knife would be good at being a flat head screw driver but I wasn’t made for this.  I want to say that it was the long hours that pushed me to leaving, I want to say it was being on call, robbing me of playtime with our boys or taking calls in the middle of the night.  All of that are part of it but they  weren’t the burning reason.  It was her heartfelt admission that she didn’t want to do what she was doing.  Its one thing to know that somebody is suffering with this but its a whole other thing to hear it everyday from somebody you love.  As I’m writing this, I just realized that I’m leaving my job so that she can leave hers.  I love you baby and I’m bringing you home.